AL, I thought I was going to be so brilliant and kick the year off by posting after what seems like eons, years, months since I’ve written. I just looked at our site and saw 2 posts that I missed! How did that happen? I’ll tell you–it’s a lack of sleep going on 5 years now. I saw a journal entry, in my little notebook that I only seem to write in on vacations and major holidays, from November 2009. Brenna was 2 months old and I had slept 7 hours the previous night. So why does she wake 3-6 times now? Because I’ve allowed it. Because I’ve been too tired to make the change and cut out the night nursing. It’s time. She and I have been talking about it. It’s the new year and people make changes, right? Sometimes when I tell her no nursing she just rolls over, I sing her a sleepy version of Twinkle Little Star. Other times, she says “no tinkle ittle star!” and goes to sleep. My girl is growing up.
I didn’t reflect on 2011 very much. I reflected more on how I felt at the end of it, which is thankful. I don’t know whether it’s good or bad, but if people are alive, I’m pretty much happy now. Anything else is just sprinkles. At midnight the other night (yes, I was awake for new years), David said it’s going to be an interesting year–we’ve got a lot of travel planned, Ainsley starts Kindergarten in the fall (which makes me want to cry when I think of it, namely because I think of Dave Barry’s article every time. I read the last few sentences and get teary.) and lots of other adventures on the horizon. Ainsley will be a big girl as she walks in the school doors for the first time and I will cry.
Can I add that even though I’ve lived in Colorado for 12 years, New Year’s to me is still at 10 pm because that’s when the ball drops in NY? I mean, I’m from New York, how is new year’s at any other time? I was finishing a puzzle at 10 pm this year and missed the ball drop (for reasons why, see paragraph 1).
Looking forward to this “interesting” year ahead, I’m scared my grandmother won’t be there at the end. She’s 90 and feisty, but I began to cry as I kissed and hugged her goodbye last week. Her voice broke too. You just never know. I am not sure my dog and canine companion of 11+ years won’t make it through the year. I’m scared Inja will continue to live in a sub-optimal place or bad things will happen to the good people I know. I’m also hopeful–that I’ll actually be able to lose 8 lbs, that our travels will be exciting and not as exhausting as they currently promise. I’m hopeful I’ll make some money to afford what I spend and that I’ll sleep more. I would settle for life and sleeping more.
Did I tell you to read The Night Circus? If not, go read it. I’ve read it 3 times in the past month or so and would start it again tonight. Truly.
My friend Kate gave Brenna a little doll–stupidly named Belly Brites by the marketing person for a toy company–her belly lights up, changes color and plays a large portion of Clair de Lune. It’s very sweet. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve heard Clair de Lune over the past few weeks. One night she played it 16 times before going to bed. First thing in the morning, Ainsley came in the room and turned it on. I might have thrown up in my mouth a little.
I’m heading downstairs to make dinner. Tacos with chicken breast or ground beef, beans, avocado, cheese, lettuce, salsa. It’s incredibly exciting. I’m going for Americana tonight. I might even use paper plates and not compost afterward (not really).
Hugs to you and happy 2012. How do you think it will be an interesting year?